Fetish

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Yes yes , the usual line, BEEN AGES. arent we al sick and tired of it. my computers really a bitch.
but anyways, do NOT for a moment think i have been buryin myself in my books, immersed in a world of my own. NOPE, indeed i have been tryin to study. but not completely zoned out from my external environment.
many many issues in the backdrop.. i M being a doopass, not wanting to deal with it.
i wont lie though for a moment that i have not been thinkin abt them.
so here goes.
not in any chronological events of happening. and as usual, i wont mention names. because i respect.
so its up to u to assume.

YOU
maybe the toppest of problems, given how much you are important to me. i seriously DO NOT know WHAT is in ur mind. i really acknowledge that i have some part to play in all the previous fights andproblems. thats why i stepped back.. what i did, or chose to do differently since that (prev) recent fight, only probably i will know.
but honestly, you have said, we need to tell each other. HEY I TRIED. because i know the importance of it to this relationship. BUT what do i get?
take you for granted? i m the harsh bitch.
if theres anyone whos takin anyone for granted, its u .... u keep THINKING, believing that we are okay with all that. jus because we have been tryin all these years.
so now, u dont even explain ... you state other reasons. i m sorry, but messages that are jus incoherent to your actions.. we dont need the messages. we need to see, because seeing is believing.
i m not doubting your words. i m doubting the coherence .
i have to stop here.
and dont say you have NOTHIN to say, or you cant express it as well as us, because if not anythin else, from all these years, you certainly have developed your own opinions abt issues.
its whether you choose to say it, whether you acknowledge it or not.

YOU
your look was so WEIRD. so awkward. so alien. i m to fault partially. i have been busy. maybe not very concerned about how you coping with school.
but i care nevertheless.
and sometimes you say you dislike them and all, but ultimately you DO hang out with them.

YOU
GET A GRIP! LET Go. this is not doin you ANY GODDAMN good. neither is it doin her any good. both of u are currently in DIFFERENT stages of life. you require different things, have different needs. its easier than it sounds . its gonna be helluva load of pain. but its much easier than hanging on.

YOU
things have jus changed. you UNDENIABLY had ulterior motives. and yes i knew them but jus did not , or chose not to anticipate the outcome of it all. i respect you for who u are, but i simply cannot bring myself to forget your change, your difference in attitude.
bask in the fame, and glory .. not newfound but recharged. but it WILL still die out.

YOU
you and you. shut up. i go to school with a functional purpose:to get my education, both of an academic one and a moral one. i consider some of the aunties, and uncles with higher regard than the lot of you. pretentious, hypocrisy. keep it to the circle, and dont stinge. theres alot to go around.
you know i Will say NO because honestly, the friends i have are not there. the ones who i know will have my back. who know that i have somethin ELSE beneath tat bitch in me.
so really , so dont tell me HOW MY hair should look like. i KNOW i have way much better fashion sense and more sensibility to display my 'coolness' in school.
i m past that phase.
shut up and enjoy urs.

YOU
the worst imperfection is to believe that you are ultimately superior to all.
HELLO, WAKE UP. see the flaws and weaknesses. which are jus mere than shakin of your hands.
you will crumble one day. i m not looking forward to it , neither am i cursing you.
i m bettin my life on this.

YOU
happy birthday. i know you have alot goin on, with the demise of your mother. once again, all that friendship gone eh. all u had to do was reply. and you couldnt even manage that. i m sorry but i m only gonna have to take that as my indicator.
nice knowin u.
have fun with the gf.

thats enough you's for a post, dont u think?
by the way, none of the above referred to my bf. this is jus to some 'curious', oh-so-concerned onlookers who ultimately cant wait to see some signs of divisiveness. sorry to disappoint you flabbiness..

alrite, i m gonna continue my ranting.
watched the top 10 today. saw the amazing difference in the wardrobe change.
a fallen in the mud jacket, there were abt 5 contestants who had their tummies spillin out from their tight shirts, defining waist THICK belts (which is an absolute NO-NO for plus size females)
and scarves which jus had to be PUT somewhere.
i do NOT proclaim myself to be a fashionista or an excellent dresser.BUT hey, as much as you are tryin to be cool, and givin the appearance utmost importance ,do stop and consider what is flatterin and what is NOT? pardon me, i DO NOT have a problem with people who plus size. or are flabby. i m a tad bit flabby myself. the victims of my critique, the unflattering clothes, not the size.
i m not blamin the contestants, because i do not mostly, its the work of the producers.

alright, enough ranting for a day dont u think?
hmmm alrite ,i miss Ugly Betty.
Tsk.
And i greedily finished the whole BBC series of Pride&Prejudice, which i swore to take my time and slowly watch.

happy 27th of August 2007 to all.

Shini : 10:42 PM