Fetish

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

i have pretty much many things to say...

but then again.. with the increasing number of ppl around me who seriously put up elaborate shows jus to seek attention... i think twice to say anything .

i m pretty much in a reflective, withdrawn mood nowadays.
yes, certainly, one cant TOTALLY suppress me or shut me up.. so yes... i m still very much SANE.
but really... i m surprised with myself too... at how i have learnt to control the desire of sayin anythin at all... i have changed. for the better? most probably so.

i figured it out.. i m tired.

thats all i have for now. and yes i will continue it soon.

as for noww...

jus would like to say .. i m happy certain things are cleared.. because of the blog.
thankew to whoever who initiated it..
but yes.. there is a halt in many other things...

and this is PRECISELY wat i dint want to do.. to ramble abt my state of problems.. because each day as i realise.. there are ppl around me havin so much more severe issues to handle with.

howmany of us realise the ppl around us?
how many of u students realise the ppl who clean after you?

just the other day, i realised that in my very own school, there was an 80 year old man who was apparently once rich, then abandoned by his kids. and is now collecting cans on the sly from the school and yes, cleanin the school to support himself and his sick wife.
Now now, arent we bored of all these stories?
Come on, we see it all the time in dramas.
We have all become so stone-hearted i swear.
BUT BUT BUT there are some amongst us who prove us wrong... and yes.. this canteen stall auntie helps him to collect the cans from students and pick them from the rubbish bins to give it to him.

Now, how many of you know this other side of the school?
how many of you have merely looked at your canteen stall aunties and uncles and those who clean up ur MESS as ur 'servants' and scolded them even for bad tastin food ?
how many of you shamelessly state u love ur school TO BITS AND PIECES but cant even state one blardy name of a non-teachin staff? [other than the clerks and lasses who get to sit their asses in air-conditioned offices.]
have u all bothered even to smile at these ppl?
Or seriously, were u too concerned abt the boy over at the other end? Or jus caught up abt makin a good impression to the teacher who could possibly write u a fantassimo testimonial?
because in the end , thats what matters isnt it, a piece of paper stating all our acheivements academically? who ever cares abt REAL courtesy or heart-felt sincerity?

Ah wells. I would stop here. Food for thought. It would be hilarious if suddenly all of us go up to our non teaching staff in schools and start askin 'AUNTIE, how is ur life sia?'

Oh wells... there are ppl who absolutely dont find the importance of small talk and makin friends like this as we go on... friends as in our neighbourhood apehs and all that. social cohesion is trash u say...
Thats your opinion.

ANd i shall stop here.

suppress the emotions. never let them out. fight the tears. never reveal your worst fears.

Shini : 10:19 PM