Fetish

Monday, December 05, 2005

its amazing how many different emotions i can feel in one day .

right now, i feel like runnin away. from all of u.
everyone i look at, talk to... has somethin to expect from me... and nowadays its so difficult to get one with mutual frequency to talk to u....
they have somethin more in their minds...or somethin demeaning.
smiles are forced..words are sugared.

i miss u IDIOT. the thing is .. i dont think u know how i feel abt this whole thing abt us. 3 months ago.. it was fine wasnt it? when we ignored the obvious of course..
call me young and stupit..
at least i dont beat ard the bush.
and i m left hanging now..
so do i make the first move again?
i dono wat to do. u keep pretendin everythin is normal.. and yea. we literally dono anythin abt each other.
we dont.

WHY DOES ignorance seem to be all of ur best forte?

to u.. u lost ALL Of us... i mean... dint u think? so much for wantin the relationship.
i dont even have the energy to think abt u anymore gal.. i dont.
sure.. we havent been there when u needed us.. but a blow like this.. for the second time...
i salute u woman.. thanks. its all wat we needed to revive wateva little of the frenship we had.
not jus us.. u lost the other two of them.
and they are hurt. do u care? DO U ?! rite from day one, we never made u choose.
we NEVER.
thanks. for the 9 yrs though. thanks.

cant we jus be frenz? must every boy and girl relationship lead to somethin MORE than that?
must it... day by day.. we are forgin a bond which really means alot to me..
a friendship that is special.
dont spoil that?
please i beg u.

and u bitch. pardon me. i use that word sparingly on females..
and yea. u had it bitch. wats ur blardy problem with my brother?
its fine enough that u are a leech. now u control people's lives? and make them choose ? u r lesbian arent u?
sure u are pretty. but i m sorry. u aint got NO brains.
probably that got sucked up with ur flesh eh?

really.
dad keeps pestering me to go ceylon with auntie, hongkong to uncle's house.. and i keep tellin him no... that i want no holiday..
but i think right now.. a holiday is gonna do me best...away from all of u.

i m confused. i really am. all of u..makin me choose rite?
i m not sure of wat i want.
but i m sure of wat i dont want.

and yea.. and i have realised.. nowadays.. its not the lack of communication.. nor is it miscommunication..
its jus personal thinkin... which is the root cause of the problem...
ur own thinkin...

fuck communication..fuck tryin to talk things out.
its the masks, the egos, the personal thinkin.

theres a devil in everyone of us.
and communication wont get rid of it.
technology wont.
i m not even sure wat will.

yea go ahead and hate me.
hate me because i make sense.

damage done.

Shini : 1:15 AM