Fetish

Sunday, September 04, 2005

who am i to trust? shit.
i feel terrible. haiks. i need someone rite now. and no one 's here.
damn. its 12am.
who m i to call.

i need someone to tell me i m gonna do well.
shit. i feel fucked up.

am i really that bad ? my character sucks. i m too young for all this rite.
i have sinned alot.
rite?

but i havent .
really.

i love all of u. and i need u guys.

'watch her movements'.
when i come back to that table, i knew. i KNEW.
yet.... i dono who.
who m i to trust? whos smilin infront of me. but then again, to think of it. all of u there were capable of it.
u guys HAVE done it. and i know u, especially u. preacher. u looked at me.

so i have to change again rite?
change myself. i cant.

i hate being my age. u dun get it. u all dont. it fuckin sucks..
here i m wanting to enjoy wateva i have.
and fuck.

i m da one screwin it up.
how silly. i keep blamin it on al of u.

but i want happiness.
and tats in the form of wat u think is a sin.
but its NOT.
damnit.
i dont do it for kicks.
LOOK AROUND U.
why why.
do u know this feeling sucks.

to know that most ard u think u are a slut/bimbo/bitch
to realise that al ur smiles are fake.
to have everyone come up to u n say, 'i thought u were a bitch when i first saw u'

it sucks to have everyone's secrets ard u and to have u thinkin that u know my secrets when u dont.
it sucks when u think everyone ard me is da most innocent and u hate me.
it hates me when u look at me in the eyes like tat. or when u dont even.

all these things i say to u my friends.
all these jokes and mockery i make. u guys kno its in me rite.
if u dint like it, i would stop it. ITS ME to be outspoken.
but i never wanted to hurt u guys.

i dont know. i m like this u kno.
i m not like the rest of them..
but it doesnt mean i m the worst .

it really doesnt.

dont keep hurting me please.
i might really seem like it...

none of u think i m romantic or the sort that can cry.
but i can be like that and i cry.

all i cried was for the acceptance.
and u all would never know.

i have my crumbling moments.
dont make me go thru this.
please.
its a vicious cycle. again.

please dont crumble me?

i dont care if all that sounded corny. and no they arent excerpts.

Shini : 11:59 PM