Fetish

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

hm ma blog IS gettin a tad too popular.

i dun like.

hmm today's post.

boys.problems.girls. relationships
nah dont mistake me. m not havin any problems with anyone or anythin.
as for now :) yet.

jus watchin ma friends deal with some problems with their relationships is kinda sad.
well jus somethin to highlight.

'lost the feelings'. i hear it soo often nowadays. and yes welll, i m guilty of using it too.
made me think. what was it in the first place that made u have the feelings?
or made u think u had da feelings?

coz he was cute? coz he had a cute smile? coz he was nice and bought u a chocolate ice cream from swensens? or because hes a really good kisser?
we are so programmed to think that 'oh she talks to that guy everyday. sooner or later la.'
are we all obliged to like someone jus coz u both are late-in-the-nite-phone-yakking-partners?
shouldnt it be the other way round?

wat happened to the good ole fashioned way of courting? everythin is so speedy nowadays.
article read. this person started and ended her dating relationship via sms within 4 days or a week.
wahhh FAST or wat.
well sadly that is the situation nowadays.
we trust each other too easily . become friends in 2 weeks, bitch abt each other in the 3rd and become sworn arch enemies in the 4th wk.

so wat then is permanent? i m afraid. afraid of wat is truly permanent or at least long-lasting,afraid that i wouldnt be able to experience it and afraid if my fear is justified.

wat kind of happiness do u derive from a relationship?
is happiness to u receiving an sms abt his daily experiences, or is it when ur friends tease u abt him, is happiness to u talkin abt him , is happiness to u tellin ur friends all the silly things he did, is happiness to u jus kissing, huggin him, or is it sayin it in friendster and posting al da photos of both of u,
is happiness to u basically JUS being in a relationship itself?

i m not sayin any form of happiness stated above is wrong.
just that when somethin goes wrong, and u have to make a decision , THINK. think abt wat happiness HE gives u. not his wallet. not his cute lil tight ass or his mother.

well i think even b4 got problem ah.
and well, i have my own definition of ma happiness. and it has changed over the years. ohh boyy.

one of it is when i know he takes da effort to keep in touch.
it may be a small thing.
but means much to me when u jus bother to reply back , or call back. not after 3 years lar.

EH I cannot reply back at times due to the fact that i go on prepaid okay. its difficult.
i have learnt to stinge. and sometimes, i cant reply or i get ur smses really late.
u guys should know WHY AH.
so i apologise. so sometimes i dun reply smses, or calls. and sorry .(Devi,yogi and all da others) i feel bad too k

pardon the messy order of thoughts. i m jus randomly thinkin.

i m happy rite now. well ignoring the education part of course. i m satisified with all current ma relationships. with the babes, the online buddies, the dudes.
and *touchwood* if something were to happen rite now, whether its hm hm hm and me or da babes and me.... i would know it happened for the best.

after all. such stuff have occured too many a time.
isnt it scary. once u know the pattern .. of ur relationships.

i actually know where some of the relationships are goin to end, n that some ARENT gonna have a very nice ending. and those which arent gonna have a nice ending are those which are goin fine right now.
i know the pattern . and it is sad. and freaky.
haiks.
and i m the Queen Of All Paranoia. To add on .

jus like ma shaz loves to say 'all relationships have an expiry date.'
we cant really know when it is comin. but until then, 2 weeks or 20 years, lets jus relish most(i wont say every coz NO ONE eva does that) moments together. and kno at the end of the day, he/she made a difference. good or bad. u learn from em.

If i died tomorrow, what would you regret not telling me?

Shini : 10:47 PM